**warning** This is for journaling, so it's LONG!
At the tiny little age of 3 weeks Cohen had quite the little journey! I was going about my day normal and noticed Cohen had a really hard and red/purple colored bump on him bum. I mentioned it to Bryan and thought maybe it was a diaper rash or something. By the time he got home and looked at it, he felt very differently. We decided calling the doctor was the best choice at this point. As I headed into the doctors office I knew this was going to be more than a simple thing. I said a pray that I would have the strength to carry through what was going to happen, and that the Dr's would make all the right steps in order to heal and help my baby recover. The doctor was very concerned about the abscess and especially his age. We didn't know if this was a serious infection, or a simple abscess, so off to Primary Children's they sent us. And this is when the fun began! Little did I know this would become the longest 4 days of my life as well as Cohen's!! At Primary's you have to check in through the ER first which makes for a long process. We stood in a ER waiting room with some of the sickest kids I have ever seen. I had to hold back the tears almost the entire time as I huddled in the corner praying that Cohen wouldn't get any of the illnesses that were being spewed in the air. Did I mention we STOOD for over 3 hours waiting for all this. At this point is was getting to be very late in the night and exhaustion was hitting both Bryan and I. As they walked us back to our room I watched many little babies being prepped for IV's, screaming and crying. It broke my heart knowing what we were about to approach. The doctors took a look at Cohen and knew they needed to lance it as soon as possible to make sure they could release some of the pressure. They also had to test all his fluids to see if and where the infection was from. So they had to place and IV, do a Spinal Tap, and take urine. They started by placing the IV, and this is when my true tears began to flow. I couldn't contain myself. They sat there flicking his wrist hoping they could find a vein and his schrill cry was more than I could take. They sent me out of the room and into a little "cry room" (pathetic huh?) I sobbed my eyes out until I could finally get control. I was able to wander back to the room and watch through the window. By this point they were doing the Spinal Tap. That was heartbreaking, Bryan was in the corner with his eyes closed so tight just wincing at what was happening. Here is a picture of them about to do the spinal tap. He has the IV already hooked up in his foot and all his other monitors on making sure he keeps his vitals up.
The lancing was next. This presented all sorts of problems. They said normally they would have liked to do this with a bit of anesthesia, but because he was so small they decided it was safest not to at this point. They gave him a tiny bit of morphine to cut the edge of pain. The other problem with his abscess was it's location. They couldn't cut a large incision and pack it like you normally would so a small one was the only shot. They also couldn't keep it open like normal because it would get bacteria from the bowl movements would worsen it. He was SO exhausted from the all the other things they had done to him and cried so hard through them that he was burned out by the time they did this. He was luckily pretty mellow through it (morphine helps with that too :) They were able to get quite a bit of puss out and flush the wound. They bandaged him up as best they could afterwards.
Just got the morphine at this point. About to start surgery.
After this was done the waiting game began yet again. We had to wait to be transferred upstairs to the infant unit. Cohen dropped his oxygen many times at this point (which later down the road we ruled as being normal infant breathing, as well as pure exhaustion) so they hooked him up to oxygen.
He was utterly exhausted (and so were we!!)
We finally got up to our room at 4 am. Then the flow of doctors and nurses began yet again. We hadn't slept in over 36 hours at this point, we were so tired, but the room only had one TINY little bed. TINY. Like smaller than even one person should sleep on. But Bryan and I decided the only option was to snuggle up and try and get a little sleep at this point since we knew our journey was far from over. This was a moment that made me realize what a great support Bryan was to me. As we jammed ourselves onto the tiny chair bed, barely able to move, Bryan leaned close to my ear and said, "this is SO romantic". I busted up laughing. I love that man. I am grateful he could find humor in these exhausting times where I am not sure even how to think anymore. Brought me back into great spirits.
Cohen hanging out (very sleepy as you can see!) in his new bed.
I love his arm out that escaped the swaddle.
The oxygen was being put on him sporadically while we were there, I was holding him in my arms at this point just loving him, he looks so sweet in this photo.
We then spent the next 3 days in the infant unit at Primary Children's. Cohen was put on 3 different antibiotics to try and treat what ever infection he may have had. So every twenty minutes every other hour he was being given meds. It was constant in my mind. Every time they would come in to give him the next one it would wake him up and he would want to eat. So I was nursing him every 2 hours, not much sleep occurred at all for me while we were there. This little boy handled most of it quite well. Nights were rough because he was always woke up with someone checking him, or starting meds. They made for very long nights full of NO SLEEP. The first morning after our ER visit the team of doctors all came in to inspect him. They all felt the wound site and determined it was soft and getting much better and we would be able to go home very soon. I got SO excited. I hadn't really even checked Cohen yet because the nurses were the ones changing his bandages every time he pooped. Once I was more coherent in the afternoon time I asked the nurse to show me how to change them so I could do it on my own. As we both started changing the bandage we realized that the doctors all felt the WRONG spot of the wound. It was still hard as can be and had NOT gotten better. The next morning when the doctors came in I made sure that they examined the true problem area and explained to them it didn't seem to be getting better at this point. They talked with me and let me know that in these situations I really am the only one who can truly know that as well so they were glad I was paying close attention. We all decided it was best to have the surgeon come and take a look at it and see if surgery was going to be the next step at this point. We knew all along there was a possibility of this, sometimes the more simple route just doesn't work the way it should. The surgeon came and she agreed that surgery was probably going to be the best at this point. The surgeon would be able to go in and clean out any of the pockets of puss that had formed and make sure no areas were left hidden, he would then put a little drainage tube in that would remain for 7-10 days allowing the infection to fully drain out. They spoke with me a lot about what they would do and how they would do it and I felt very comfortable about this option. So they put him in the queue for surgery. Because he could essentially go in for the surgery at any point they said I had to stop feeding him. WHAT?! NO!! Sadness! If there is one thing you will ever learn about me and my babies it is that I THRIVE off of the feeding time. It's MY job, I take it very seriously, and telling me I can't feed my baby is a very hard thing for me. At this point I had already had to pump the first day because he was so lethargic he wouldn't even eat, and now that he was finally eating again (and VERY often mind you so I was very FULL!), I had to stop again. He had been fed last at 9 am, and I was told at 11 to not feed him until surgery. I knew this could be rough. I pumped many times that day and Cohen just starved. We wrapped him in tons of blankets to keep him super warm and sleepy and just held him constantly so that he wouldn't get too fussy from hunger. When I would go pump the nurse would come hold him for me. He handled it pretty well. He fussed, but nothing like I imagined it would be. He was called down to surgery at 6 pm, so it was a LONG time since he had eaten. I was relieved when they walked in and said we were ready to go!
I was super nervous about this stage. They had told us once that anesthesia wasn't safe for him with how small and young he was, but this time around they said they were going to try it. I talked a lot with the surgeon in the morning when she came to discuss my options, and I felt like they knew what they were doing and I would let them do their jobs. We waited in the waiting room for the surgeon to come, as he took my baby from me, the emotions again came flooding to me. It was a very hard moment for me. I knew he would be ok. I had felt so close to my Heavenly Father through all of this and I knew that he would come away from this surgery just fine. But there is something about handing your tiny newborn over to someone and not knowing exactly what the outcome will be. I had faith all would go well though. I chocked back my tears as we walked to yet another waiting room. We didn't sit very long before the surgeon was already back (which actually made me scared!). He said the surgery went well and Cohen was just coming to. The only problem was he didn't respond well to the anesthesia. When they tried to put him under it stopped his breathing so they quickly put in a drug that completely reverses the effects and pulls him back. So they were just waiting to make sure all his breathing was good and he was ready to come back up to his room. We sat and waited for what felt like FOREVER at this point. I got really nervous and anxious. I couldn't focus on much of anything, just wanted to see Cohen again. It was really hard to wait. Once they said I could head back and see him I was relieved. When I walked into the recover room I again chocked back my tears. I felt like I was being reunited with my long lost child! He still wasn't quite all with it yet, but he was holding his oxygen levels well enough that they let me see him. They had him wrapped up in huge sheet, no clue why...maybe to hold him still while doing the surgery, maybe to keep him warm during?? I really don't know. But he was super cute in it anyway. I was just so relieved he was doing well.
We had to stay for 12 hours of observation after his surgery, but I finally felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I was able to once again feed my baby. (WONDERFUL!) And I knew we would finally be going home soon. With his drainage tube I had to just rinse him after every diaper change and not use wipes. They wanted me to make sure his incisions didn't get infected. This was fun considering he had diarrhea and was pooping CONSTANTLY. So for the next 9 days I had to rinse him in the sink at each diaper change. I got into the flow of things quite well actually, it was only the middle of the night that this became very tiring. We survived it though! Below is a pic of the little band they placed to keep it draining, I would wiggle it around with each change and that would help the incisions not seal up. It didn't seem to even remotely bother him so I don't think it hurt at all. Sorry for the bum picture, but I want this for journaling reasons!!
I took Cohen back in after 9 days and we had this removed. Which was kind of a silly appointment since all he did was snip it and pull it out, but I realize he needs to make sure it really didn't have any infection left. This was a GREAT day. Although I still had to rinse him in the sink for another 3 days it was just nice to know he was all better. He was such a trooper through all of this. He really is a sweet little baby, and I am so grateful for that. And I wish as I was typing this that I could say "and now it's all in the past" BUT IT'S NOT!! Coming soon...cohen's abscess round 2 :(
